Pantley offers a gentle and gradual approach to all aspects of sleep, customized to your baby's needs. She recommends rocking and feeding your baby to the point of drowsiness before putting him down – and responding immediately if he cries. Parents are urged to keep sleep logs, nap logs, and night-waking logs. Pantley also describes a six-phase process for teaching a child to sleep in a crib.
There’s an awful lot of information on how to sleep train out there, leaving most parents confused, frustrated, and still wondering what sleep training is and how to do it. In this article, we’ve rounded up all the facts from real moms and professional sleep consultants on what sleep training is, how to do it, and how to decide if it’s right for you.
While you may have read up on various sleep training methods while pregnant or in the early weeks of baby’s life, it’s a good idea to speak with your pediatrician before you start. For example, if your child is gaining weight slowly or was a preemie, he may not be ready to drop a nighttime feeding and may need a sleep-training schedule that’s adapted to a few middle-of-the-night wake-ups.

Finding the ideal bedtime can be tricky in the first few months of life. Infants who take a late afternoon nap (say, 4 to 6 p.m.) may go to bed as late as 9 or 10 p.m. A good rule of thumb is that your baby will probably sleep three to four hours after his last nap ends, but you may need to experiment, adjusting your baby’s nap and bedtime schedule to figure out what works best.
As you might suspect, this method can be very difficult, depending on temperament, and can take many days or weeks. It can be difficult to avoid engaging with your child (and “watching them cry” is very difficult), and it will likely be a little confusing to the child (particularly younger ones) when you don’t. However, with time and consistency, this can be a good option for parents who do not want to leave their child alone to cry but who haven’t had success with other methods, either.
C.I.O. is the most famous sleep training technique, and the most controversial — although, despite its daunting name, it is safe and effective. In its simplest form, unmodified extinction, you place your infant down at bedtime, drowsy but awake, and then leave the room, without returning to check on or soothe your baby. This method will work quickly, but often produces prolonged periods of crying for a few nights, which can be difficult for parents to tolerate.
This method involves more tears than the previous two; however, you don’t leave your baby unattended in the room at all. Here’s how the chair method works: start by doing your normal bedtime routine. Then, put a chair very near the crib, bassinet, or bed and sit on the chair as your baby falls asleep. The goal is not to help your child fall asleep, nor to help her calm down necessarily, depending on how you implement it. You are generally not supposed to give your child any attention. The reason you are in the chair is only to reassure them that you are there with them and have not left them alone. Each night you move the chair farther and farther away from the crib until you are right outside the door until eventually, you no longer need the chair at all.
Do your research, talk to your doctor and if you’re overwhelmed, consider hiring a sleep consultant or taking a workshop. Your baby’s sleep might seem like a mystery to you, but there are people who understand the complexities and can help. While not everyone agrees with every approach, no one would argue with the benefits of a good night’s sleep, for babies and exhausted parents alike.
While researching the different sleep training methods to decide which one is right for you, also remember that every baby and every family is different. What one mom swears by, another mom swears off. You will see the most success from sleep training if you use your intuition to pick a method that you know you and your baby will be comfortable with.
C.I.O. is the most famous sleep training technique, and the most controversial — although, despite its daunting name, it is safe and effective. In its simplest form, unmodified extinction, you place your infant down at bedtime, drowsy but awake, and then leave the room, without returning to check on or soothe your baby. This method will work quickly, but often produces prolonged periods of crying for a few nights, which can be difficult for parents to tolerate.
There is no right or wrong method of sleep training; it all comes down to your unique baby and your unique parenting style. What works well for some babies does not work well for others, so do not be surprised if the techniques your friends or family members recommend don’t work the same way for your baby. The bottom line is to choose a technique that you feel comfortable with, and that you think will work well with your baby’s temperament.

"I have a 3-month-old who I rock at night. He falls asleep very quickly (much quicker than if I leave him in his crib). If he wakes in the middle of the night, we go to him and comfort him. We don't take him out – we just help soothe him. Why make him feel lonely and abandoned? I have no problem losing a little sleep if it means that he feels like we will be there for him."


"I have two kids. The first one was never left to cry it out – we rocked, sung, walked, drove her to sleep until she was old enough to be read a story. Then, with baby number two, I decided to try CIO and after one night, it worked. At 12 months, she goes to sleep at night by herself and never cries. It was the best thing I did. My husband was against it, but he wasn't the one up four or five times every night for nine months straight! Now our household is very happy and everybody sleeps well."
"As you modify your baby's sleep behavior, you are going to have to give up middle-of-the-night crutches, known as negative associations, that may get her back to sleep in the short run but won't prevent her from popping up again in an hour. She may resist the change. The behavior may even get worse before it gets better as she adjusts to new routines, to new positive associations."
This sleep training technique usually involves quite a bit of crying on your baby’s part for the first couple of nights but some say it tends to be less crying, overall, since sleep training is ‘done’ faster (for many, but not all, people). The way it works is simple – you do your bedtime routine, put your baby to bed awake, and then leave the room without returning for checks. If your baby cries, you are not supposed to go in to check on her; instead, you let her ‘cry it out’ on her own. The thinking here is that if you allow your baby to cry for a period of time, but then go in and ‘rescue’ her, you have all but guaranteed that she will cry for that amount of time the next night because she will expect you to come and “rescue” her again.
One common misconception about sleep training babies (also called sleep coaching) is that there’s only one way to do it. But this could not be further from the truth! In reality, there are a number of ways many parents can work to help their babies develop healthy sleep habits and stop waking up in the middle of the night or taking short naps. Some methods involve crying, but others involve little to no tears and are very gentle.
A consistent bedtime routine is the cornerstone of good sleep for children. It should also be a time for parents and babies to bond. Bedtime routines need not be complex. Bathe your child (if you like), change her into pajamas, read her a story, sing a song and feed or soothe her, then put her in her crib. The key is consistency — performing the same activities, in the same sequence, at the same time each evening.
Some experts suggest techniques that are slightly different than these methods. Perhaps the best known is pediatrician Harvey Karp, author of The Happiest Baby on the Block. His method suggests a very specific routine involving the so-called five S's: swaddling, the side or stomach position (for calming your baby, not for sleeping), shushing, swinging, and sucking.
McKenna advises against sleep training and encouraging babies to sleep for long stretches at night. Instead, he urges parents to follow their babies' cues and allow them to wake frequently through the night to feed. A strong advocate for co-sleeping, McKenna encourages bed-sharing and other co-sleeping arrangements, such as putting the baby in a bassinet or crib at the parent's bedside, while also following standard SIDS safety precautions – for example, making sure there are no blankets or stuffed animals around him.

C.I.O. is the most famous sleep training technique, and the most controversial — although, despite its daunting name, it is safe and effective. In its simplest form, unmodified extinction, you place your infant down at bedtime, drowsy but awake, and then leave the room, without returning to check on or soothe your baby. This method will work quickly, but often produces prolonged periods of crying for a few nights, which can be difficult for parents to tolerate.


“I knew I didn’t want to sleep train, so I co-slept with my son until he was about 5 months old,” says Corinna, a mom of two. “At 5 months, I was able to put him in a room on his own, but I would attend to him if he cried. By 10 months, he was sleeping through the night on his own. Maybe I was lucky, but I felt like what worked best for our family was following his lead.”
"My son is 6 months old and finally goes to sleep without a struggle! We thought the Ferber method was mean and that alternatives would be better. So we tried it all – Baby Whisperer, No-Cry Sleep Solution, Babywise, etc. None of it worked. Our son is an otherwise happy little guy, but every night and every nap was a battle. We'd spend hours trying to get him to sleep. We delayed trying Ferber until we'd tried everything else unsuccessfully. It worked after the first night! He wakes up better rested and happier (as do we)."
There is no right or wrong method of sleep training; it all comes down to your unique baby and your unique parenting style. What works well for some babies does not work well for others, so do not be surprised if the techniques your friends or family members recommend don’t work the same way for your baby. The bottom line is to choose a technique that you feel comfortable with, and that you think will work well with your baby’s temperament.
But when he was about three-and-a-half months old, the routine fell apart. “I would feed him, but he wouldn’t be asleep at the end of the feed,” recalls Welk. “I would rock him until he fell asleep and put him down, and then he would wake up 30 minutes later and I would do it all over again.” Desperate for some rest, Welk brought Greyson into bed with her, but then she ended up just lying still, holding a pacifier in his mouth all night long. “I didn’t know anything about sleep,” says Welk. “I didn’t know you couldn’t just rock them to sleep and then put them down.”
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