Also on the far end of the cry it out spectrum is the Baby Wise approach by pediatrician Robert Bucknam and co-author Gary Ezzo. In their book On Becoming Baby Wise, they advise against feeding babies on demand around the clock and instead advocate a parent-led feeding, wake, and sleep schedule. Their method involves following a strict nap and sleep schedule and putting your baby down awake so she can learn to soothe herself to sleep. This means there will be some crying, especially at first, as your baby adjusts to your schedule.
If you’re on the fence about sleep training, it can be helpful to think of it this way: What is my baby’s developmental need right now? “At 11 months, they don’t need to eat during the night but they do need consistent sleep,” says Garden. Yes, those nights of crying are heartbreaking. But chances are, if you’re considering sleep training, it’s because what you’re currently doing isn’t working for you.
Some of these experts think cry it out methods are not good for babies. Pediatrician and "attachment parenting" advocate William Sears devotes an entire chapter of The Baby Sleep Book to a critique of cry it out approaches. Sears, along with no tears advocates such as Elizabeth Pantley (author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution), believes that cry it out techniques can give your child negative associations with bedtime and sleep that could last a lifetime.
“I always say bedtime and nap routines can start from day 1. A child is never too young to learn healthy sleep habits and routines! But to get a baby sleeping through the night there are a few things I check. The baby should be at least 15 lbs, no medical concerns, and on a healthy growth curve approved by their pediatrician. If all these points are met, then I'm ready to start getting that little one sleeping through the night!"
"My 3-month-old doesn't sleep through the night, and it's fine with me. I keep her in her crib or a bassinet until her 3 a.m. feeding, and then she joins my husband and me until we get up for work. She won't go in her crib unless she's already asleep, usually from nursing and rocking, but she'll fall asleep in her bassinet beside our bed. She's happy and we're happy, and even if it goes against the wisdom of the experts, it's working for us."
It’s definitions like this that have given the general term “sleep training” a bit of a bad rep. There are certain methods of sleep training, such as “Cry-It-Out” or the Ferber method, that might make some parents wearisome of sleep training as a whole. However, sleep training does not necessarily equal cry it out. There are many different sleep training methods and practices behind sleep training, including gentle sleep training—the most important part of sleep training is finding the method that works best for you and your baby!
Hi @Adriana – Thank you for writing to us. Sorry to hear that your toddler is having issues with sleeping in her own crib and sleeping through the night! There are MANY parents that use gentle sleep training with their toddlers and even preschoolers and older! If that’s what you’re comfortable with – go for it! If you’d like help formulating a Plan just for her, please contact us for some more info and recommendations! Good luck Adriana!!
Some families opt to hire a sleep consultant or sleep coach to help them with sleep training. Just like deciding what sleep training method is best for your family, the decision to hire a sleep coach is a completely personal one. We talked to Rachel Turner, a certified sleep consultant and owner of Hello Sleep, and asked her how why a family might consider hiring a sleep consultant. Here's what she had to say:
"I have two kids. The first one was never left to cry it out – we rocked, sung, walked, drove her to sleep until she was old enough to be read a story. Then, with baby number two, I decided to try CIO and after one night, it worked. At 12 months, she goes to sleep at night by herself and never cries. It was the best thing I did. My husband was against it, but he wasn't the one up four or five times every night for nine months straight! Now our household is very happy and everybody sleeps well."
It might be strange to think of sleeping as a skill that does not come naturally. As a new parent, you’re probably so exhausted that you pass out as soon as your head hits the pillow. Your baby, however, doesn’t have this same ability yet. Although they spend a lot of time sleeping, they need to learn when to sleep (day vs. night) and how to sleep. Until they do, they need your assistance, which is why you (as you should) help soothe them to sleep at bedtime and comfort them when they wake in the middle of the night. Sleep training is teaching your baby how to sleep without any help from you - just like you’re able to fall asleep without anyone there to help you do it.
Thank you for your comment! We agree, and we think most parents do, that cry-it-out is a last resort, and we always recommend trying a gentle sleep coaching method first. That said, the research on cry-it-out is that, done correctly and not as a replacement for parenting your baby, it is not harmful, and can indeed be beneficial when you consider the damage that lack of sleep can do to a baby’s overall health and well-being. We have an article with further information about our philosophy on cry-it-out here: https://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/cry-it-out-age/
First, let us introduce you to Melissa, mom of 6 month old Theo (@mohrlivingmama on Instagram). After struggling with sleep training, Melissa offered to share her personal story and best tips for other moms thinking of giving sleep training a try. Since it's always most helpful to hear from a mom who's been there, throughout our Sleep Training Guide Melissa will be sharing what worked for her and her son during sleep training.
Parents are often hesitant to go this route, worried about how much crying will be involved. While McGinn doesn’t deny it can be difficult at first, she finds parents are often surprised by how quickly it works. “Yes, there is a lot of crying, but it’s short term,” she says. “You might get a lot of crying for two to three nights, but then every night is less and less.” She says you should see significant improvement with this method by night three or four but adds that it’s important to try it for a week before determining that it’s not working.